11 Signs You’re In A ‘Situationship’ And How To Handle It Like A Pro

A “situationship” is a romantic arrangement that exists before or without a ‘defining the relationship’ conversation. It is basically a romantic relationship that lacks commitment and the associated norms and expectations. The person you’re dating is not your official partner, but they’re not just a friend either. You are not friends, yet not lovers. It is one that involves quite a bit of confusion.

How can you tell you’re in a situationship?

There’s no growth in your relationship: The natural course is meeting someone, then meeting their friends and then family. Other things include doing couple activities like traveling, celebrating anniversaries etc. If your relationship is stagnant and the other party has no interest in growing it, then you’re likely in a situationship. If you’ve been hanging out together for a few months and they’re not ready to meet your friends/family or let you meet theirs, that’s a red flag. It can only mean they’re not ready to solidify the realtionship in any way.
There’s someone else: In a situationship, the partner that is comfortable with the way things are usually has someone else on the side. Not getting serious with you is what makes them feel less guilty about having multiple partners. To them, you’re not a girlfriend/boyfriend or anything…just a “friend”, “colleague” or even worse “acquaintance”.
You only make short-term or last-minute plans: People in serious, committed relationships make plans weeks, months, sometimes years in advance. But those in situationships may operate on a more hourly and daily timeline. Many times, in undefined relationships, you may see your partner out of the blue or during odd hours. If you feel any uncertainty as to if you’ll be seeing each other on the weekends or a public holiday, that’s also a sign you’re in situationship.
You don’t have deep meaningful conversations: If your partner avoids talking about himself or family or any deep relationship matters, or if they are only interested in small or sexual talks, then that could mean you’re in a situationship. Your situation is not worth them investing deep feelings into.
You don’t talk about or make future plans: Likewise, conversations in situationships pretty much only involve the present (“What do you want to watch?” “Pizza or Thai?”). The logic here’s pretty simple: If you’re not in it for the long haul, why talk about it?
They’re upfront about it: “I’m not looking for anything serious” or “I’m taking a break from dating” or “don’t get attached to me” etc. They’ve told you verbally that they don’t want anything meaningful but somehow their actions still leave you feeling confused. They’re still calling you and asking to meet up and all. Best believe what they told you. They will refer to it as them having been honest with you from the start!
They have little respect you: For example they stand you up sometimes, or ignore your calls/texts and only reply when they wan the connection again. they go in and out of your life like you’re on standby at all times.
You’re frequently upset/anxious: The uncertainty of a situationship can leave you anxious. The truth is it is easier said than done to have a “no sentiments” relationship. Not knowing where you stand with the other party can have you questioning many things and resenting them too.
You’re getting bored: The talks are superficial and the relationship seems to be going nowhere, so you’re likely to stop looking forward to encounters and start to get irritable too.

How to avoid Situationships

Be very clear about who and what you want and ensure anyone thinking of having any form of relationship knows it. This is especially true for online dating. On the Lovejejely dating site, members’ profiles have ample space for you to state exactly the kind of relationship you’re looking for. If your profile says stuff like “serious relationship only, long-term partners, wife-hunting etc then you’re less likely to be approached by non-committal people.
Have key questions to ask people from the on-set so you both don’t end up wasting each other’s time and getting disappointed. Ask exactly what kind of relationship they’re looking for . This won’t stop some really unserious people from trying to start a situationship, but will at least weed some out.
Insist on meaningful conversations: The ones who don’t want to get into anything serious will find themselves avoiding you or forced to get serious.

What to do if you find yourself in a situationship?

Nothing: If you’re okay with the way things are, then so do nothing. Some people seem to be okay with it. Some in fact put it on their dating profiles so others who don’t mind situationships can get in touch. In some climes, situationships are being touted as a way of getting to know someone without pressure. We’re of the opinion though that that sounds more like friendship or friends with benefits. Also as humans, usually one of the parties does start to want more and the end result is usually always dissatisfaction or frustration for one or both parties.
Have a DTR talk: If you’re not okay with the situationship, find a good time to have a ‘Define The Relationship’ talk. Asking outright what you mean to each other and where your relationship is heading will give you some clarity and help you decided whther to stay or move on. Some situationships have indeed led to more serious relationships.
End It: If the situationship uis unacceptable to you and the other party still wants it to be so or promises to be more serious but still leaves you wondering where you stand with them, then it’s best to end it. Ending it will let them see how serious you are about growing your relationship and how you refuse to be “used or confused” anymore. If the other party really does like you then they will “man up”.

In conclusion, prioritize yourself. What are you comfortable with? What works for you? If the situation causes you anxiety, then end it.